Its not easy, some days might be better than others, but even those days aren’t easy.
Life is a battle that happens every single day. Every single day there is a reason to carry on, and a reason to give up. Some days, the bad just stands out so much more obvious, life is hard.
I know that depression is a chemical imbalancement and it cant be helped (minus meds ect, but for the sake of this blog we’ll just write them off) but i also read that it can be hereditary. My “mother” also suffers with depression, so it is only her in my family that I am aware of that has it. I hate my mother anyway, and before you start with the ‘oh its your mu, you only get one’ rubbish, she is awful. Im still waiting for my birthday cards, a phone call, a text, anything from her for a good few years now.
For some reason I always seem to find a ‘new’ mum, someones adopts me, or I just get mothered to the end of the world. Even my adoptive mother has now given up on me, I have no mother, I dont think i have a boyfriend anymore. I am back to being all on my own and fighting this daily battle by my self. I dont think the people that have left me have understood what I am going through.
I have built a wall.
A wall that no one can get in, you have more chance to find out more about me before we get together, before we get close, and i dont know why.
My ‘boyfriend’ told me to go to therapy after an arguement we had on holiday, after we talked the next day we had a look online and thought that maybe I have bipolar, all of the symptoms fit.
I am waiting until december for my appointment.
I just want to know what is wrong with me. Why does my life seem so much harder than everyone elses, why does my life feel impossible sometimes.
